Christopher V. Flett

I was reading the Globe & Mail the other day and I saw that the country of Barbados is looking for a PR firm to represent them in Canada. I sent it out to three PR firms that I know (either directly or through someone) in case they hadn’t seen the post. One firm got back to me thanking me for thinking of them and asking how I was doing (Great response from an aggressive business-building company). The second one dropped  a note that said that they were waiting to hear about a project and didn’t want to to apply for Barbados just in case they get the project they are waiting for (this is a Loser move). The final one didn’t respond to my email (in case you were wondering, bigger Loser still.)

What I love about this economy is that it separates the winners from the losers. The aggressive and assertive companies today are eating the lunch of the weak, lazy, and scared. This is what natural selection and capitalism are all about. The big take from the small, but the fast take from the big. What type of moron doesn’t go after work because they might have work coming in. I’m not going to go out on a date, just in case that guy that looked at me two weeks ago calls. Is there any easier way to give up your power and let the market make you her bitch? I should note that all three companies are run by women. What does this say about the level playing field that I’ve been trying to establish sine 2001? It says that there is a long road in place before women start to ask for what they want, not what they think they can handle. Men have a mantra: “Money buys solutions.” If you get a big contract and then get another big contract, you simply take the money from these big contracts and hire people to do the work. Sound simple? It is. Why the hell you wouldn’t go after more money confuses me. Is it work/life balance? Nope. The companies that either weren’t interested or didn’t response are both in the process of laying people off. Are you shitting me? You are upset that you are letting people go, but you won’t get off your asses and go after work that your company is perfectly placed to work on. Hell, take the work and then sub it out to some knucklehead who doesn’t know how to hunt on their own.

What’s the moral to this story?

Feed your faith and your fears will starve to death. You are what you focus on. If you think you are too small, to busy, or too junior to take on a job, you will always think too small, find ways to be busy, and never get the experience to hunt like a ‘big dog’. It is less work to get a $100K contract than it is a $3K contract. Yet, everyone is comfortable chasing the gut wagon hoping something falls off. Please people, get your shit together and start working towards the things that you want. Winners always do what losers won’t. In my recent post on SheTeam, I talk about being prepared to lose everything if you want to win everything.

In good times, the good to well and the bad do well. In bad times, the good do well and they take everything the bad had and were scared to hold on to.

Speaking with a colleague this afternoon, I told her that I can barely take a day off. I can’t bring myself to take a vacation because every day, competitors in the market are closing the blinds, locking the doors, and getting jobs. They are leaving all this lovely money, clients, and market share for my coaches and I to feast on. I am the fat kid at the Smarty factory. I can’t get enough and just when I think I can’t take any more, some Piker quits the game and leaves their share for me to gobble up as well. If you are playing ‘not to lose’ rather than playing ‘to win’, you will lose everything. Live is not to be played small. You must take what is yours and take what others leave on the table. Courage should be rewarded with vast riches to those who claim it.

Don’t feel bad for the two companies that either weren’t interested or didn’t respond to me. I don’t take it personally. I simply remove them from my radar screen and hope that natural selection and capitalism either educates them or feasts on them. Either way, business will continue and to the victors go the spoils.

I spent some time with a friend last week who is driving her career forward. She is a hell of a talented professional and knows that in the next decade, she will define the rest of her career. Too often, women put themselves last and instead focus on their husbands, boyfriends, families, and kids before paying any attention to themselves. This is a mistake. You need to find time to honor yourself as you honor others or you are going to be left holding the bag. The friend I was with told me that she used to plan for herself all the time, but over time,  her planning started to sneak to the back burner. I have asked over 10,000 women over the last 8 years what they wanted for their ‘big picture’ and I’ve yet to find a woman who could give me a clear answer. Get a journal, a pen, and a hot cup of coffee and do the following exercise:

Here are some questions to consider when bringing your plan from the back burner to the front:

1. What do I want to be known for professionally?
2. What do I want my working life to look like?
3. What type of professional role model did my mother play for me?
4. Am I with the type of partner that supports my development, or do we only plan as a couple?
5. What type of money do i want to make? Do I limit this amount because I think I’ll have to give up too much?
6. What are my friend’s mindsets around career? Are they climbers or happy to stay average?
7. What are my 20 greatest limiting beliefs? How have these gotten in my way?
8. What are my 10 worst habits when it comes to success and having the life I want?
9. Who stands in my way (beside me) to reaching my goals? Can these people be converted from obstacle to observer or even supporter?
10. What things would I ask for if I could have everything?
11. Who do I know that has it all or has what I want? Have I asked them how they have accomplished what they have.? If not, why not?
12. Have you used excuses as to why you don’t have what you want? (i.e. I have kids. I’m too old/young. I don’t have a degree. It’s a recession.)

The sad thing is that of the 10,000 women I’ve asked this question to, they all had the ability to build the life they want…but most don’t. They find acceptance that they will never have what they want because they don’t BELIEVE it is possible. If you don’t believe it’s possible, then it isn’t. Society doesn’t support the visionary in us. It supports the critic. The part of your mind that tells you why things won’t happen or can’t happen. Mediocrity is an epidemic that can only be stopped through action. Fear may hold you back, but it can also drive you. What if this is your last chance to make things happen? What if in 40 years you are looking back wondering why you didn’t do something today?

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“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it.”

If you wonder why men have the need to quote the Godfather over and over again, it’s because it shows what a powerful Alpha Male family does to survive and thrive in an unforgiving world. It shows the fundamentals of loyalty, retribution, protection, family first, earning, not letting anything get in your way, and making sure that the ‘family’ is always cared for. For any woman looking to understand the Alpha Males in her life (husbands, sons, bosses, colleagues, start here.

Lesson #1. Never go against your family. Family comes first.

Michael to Fredo (his brother): “Fredo, you’re my older brother, and I love you. But don’t ever take sides with anyone against the Family again. Ever!”

Lesson #2. Don’t get in the way of how a man makes his money.

Don Corleone to a business contact: “Wait a minute… I have a sentimental weakness for my children and I spoil them as you can see. They talk when they should listen. Anyway, Signor Sollozzo, my no to you is final. I want to congratulate you on your new business and I’m sure you’ll do very well and good luck to you. Especially since your interests don’t conflict with mine. Thank you.”

Lesson #3. When a man is committed to an end, nothing will stop him.

Michael: “I’ll make him an offer he can’t refuse.”

Lesson #4. Stand up and be a man when you are facing a challenge.

Lesson #5. Know your priorities.

Peter Clemenza (after murdering a turncoat): “Leave the gun. Take the cannoli.”

Lesson #6. Make friends before you need them.

Don Corleone: “We have known each other many years, but this is the first time you’ve come to me for counsel or for help. I can’t remember the last time you invited me to your house for a cup of coffee, even though my wife is godmother to your only child. But let’s be frank here. You never wanted my friendship. And you feared to be in my debt. I understand. You found paradise in America. You had a good trade, you made a good living. The police protected you and there were courts of law. So you didn’t need a friend like me. Now you come and say “Don Corleone, give me justice.” But you don’t ask with respect. You don’t offer friendship. You don’t even think to call me “Godfather.”

You come into my house on the day my daughter is to be married and you ask me to do murder – for money. Bonasera, Bonasera, what have I ever done to make you treat me so disrespectfully? If you’d come to me in friendship, this scum who ruined your daughter would be suffering this very day. And if by some chance an honest man like yourself made enemies they would become my enemies. And then, they would fear you.

Some day, and that day may never come, I will call upon you to do a service for me. But until that day, consider this justice a gift on my daughter’s wedding day.”

Watch the Godfather and understand why Alphas love it so much. It is, and will always be, the Alpha Male manifesto. It isn’t just about influence, power and money. It is about a man having an honor code that may (or may not) share the same side of the fence as the law. What is just is not always legal. Long live Don Corleone.

When I was growing up, my parents instilled a belief that I could choose to make anything happen that I put my mind to.  When I wanted things to happen, I would put my mind to them, think about all the ways that I could make them happen, consider which one was both: 1)easy and 2)quickest to do. I would make the attempt, quite often fail, take the new information I had learned, reapply to the plan, and go again. I have failed at least 10x more then I have succeeded which allows me to continue to move to the top in business (and hopefully in life). Now you might be asking yourself why the hell I’m walking you down memory lane? Well, it is because anyone can make things happen if they choose to.

I see people wining and moaning in the media about being displaced, fired, or laid off. I get that this sucks, but I wonder why the pity party has to go on for so long. Why is it that some people relish in their own demise while others see the opportunity that forced transition creates. One woman I know in Seattle sees the writing on the wall in her company and is taking evasive action to change her course before they change if for her. She isn’t closing her eyes, baring down, and waiting for the hammer to fall. When the hammer falls, she’ll be picking up her new business cards from the printer.

I love what is happening in this economy. I love that the old growth and the old mindsets are dying, not because they want to, but because it just doesn’t work anymore. I love the fact that the financial system is in crisis. Any business model that loans money without security of getting it repaid is idiotic and deserves to be obliterated. There are casualties in the banks, but those loan officers who were taking ‘proof of income’ on the back of a bar napkin had to know that what they were doing was wrong. Don’t cry for the homeowners who lost homes they couldn’t afford when they lost their jobs. They knew they couldn’t afford the homes when they bought them, but they HOPED that they would make it by. Well, guess that didn’t turn out the way they wanted, but in their hearts they aren’t surprised.

Am I ranting for any particular reason? Yes…if you don’t like what’s going on, it’s your fault. Change it! Change things. Change the way you approach your challenges, your situation, and your life. Being a victim doesn’t solve anything. Stand up, step out, and be part of the change rather than thinking how hard life has been to you. We all come out the same way when we are born and regardless of your upbringing, you can make decisions  that will maximize your minimize your life. If you want to hear sad stories, talk to billionaires. They all have had shitty lives. Mothers dying when they were kids, fathers who drank and smacked them around, homeless and living in cars. The point is, they made decisions to not let what happened in their life effect the quality of life they ended up having. They were not a sum of their experiences. They succeeded in spite of their challenges.

Winners do what losers won’t. There are a lot of losers out there right now if you want to model that behaviour. If however you want to watch a winner, look at the little kid practicing her soccer skills until her mom calls her in for bed, the woman who survives breast cancer only to donate her time to support other women going through the same, or any immigrant who comes to North America with the clothes on their back and a dream to have a better life. These are winners and remind us that “if you want it..you must claim it.” No one is going to do it for you so take responsibility and live large!