Christopher V. Flett

I love watching New Rules on Bill Maher. Very funny and very true points he makes. I thought to stir things up a  bit for the three guys that read this blog and the women who are dating, married, or related to them, I’d start a section called Man Rules. If you know the show, you’ll know the format.

Man Rules: Wearing any type of baby carrier on your body is like driving yourself to the vet to get neutured.

Have some self-respect for yourself.  Carry your little one in your arms or even in a stroller (avoid Pink), but don’t wrap yourself up like this idiot above and walk around like you are cool. Think of your dad doing this? His bowling buddies would have kicked the shit out of him for making them look bad.

Man Rules: Wearing a Bluetooth headset anywhere outside the car is reserved for twats.

It isn’t cool. It doesn’t make your look important. No one is impressed. I looks like you want to be a freak b-actor on a Star Trek spinoff. Lose the bluetooth loser.

Man Rules: Birkenstocks have never and will never, be cool. Socks add a whole new level of douche factor.

I love it when Mr. Roper meets granola. Sandles are made for bare feet. Socks are meant for shoes. Birkenstocks are meant for burn-outs looking to meet the Grateful Dead. I get they are comfortable. So is riding a moped, but you look like a tool.

Man Rules: Don’t ride a scooter.

Riding a scooter isn’t cool. Even if you are Italian. It’s lame and everyone knows it. Want to be environmental? Ride a goat.

Man Rules: It’s okay to change a diaper. It isn’t okay to pick your kid up and sniff its ass.

I’ve changed my share of diapers. I have even pulled the diaper back (as above) to see if there is something lurking. What I haven’t done, and never will, is pick up a kid and sniff it’s ass. I see dads doing this all the time as if they are some mystical poo bloodhound. You aren’t giving a dog a shirt and yelling “track’. How do you think you look to others by picking up your kid and sniffing its ass? Cool? Can you see James Dean or Frank Sinatra doing that? If you wonder why everyone thinks you are a pussy, consider your actions. Changing diapers good….sniffing bums bad!….

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I hope you have enjoyed this. I am sitting in a starbucks watching dads and douches do this around me so wanted to do a shout out of new Man Rules. I thought these rules were obvious, but common sense is not so common. More to come.

C/