Christopher V. Flett

Is anyone else concerned about the sheer volume of men who are refusing to grow up? A guy that works for one of my clients was looking a bit tired a week ago. I asked him if he had been out the night before and he said that he had been waiting for a game to get released at midnight. I looked at him confused and asked what type of game. He said a new game for the Xbox 360. There was a huge lineup to get a copy and he and his friends waited in line for 9 hours and then played it through the night. He mentioned this like a badge of honor in his accomplishment.

I looked at him and said, “Jason. You are fucking 35 years old. You stayed up all night to get, and then play, a video game?” His smile disappeared at the scolding and I shook my head and walked away. Is this what happens when men don’t grow up with fathers? I don’t know about you, but if my dad was sitting cross legged on the floor playing packman when he was 36, I’d think (then and now) that he’s a douche. I’m not saying that a guy can’t play games (video included) with his kids, but….with his kids. He shouldn’t be standing out in the Vancouver rain so he, and his fellow man-boys, can get ejaculatory over some new version of a game coming out. Then they wonder why their employer thinks they are a loser, they can’t keep a job, and real men (those that have matured) don’t want to engage with them.

I asked a cousin of mine, who has a ‘gamer’ boyfriend what the attraction was for these guys. She said that these types of guys enjoy the interaction with one another and it’s fun. Is anyone drawing the correlation here between guys who play these games and these same guys lacking motivation, not dependable, and in dead-end jobs. They take pride in being ’skilled’ players and a feeling of ‘accomplishment’ when they get to the next level.

I played arcade games as a kid and even in high school, but my dad would yell for me to “get my shit together, quit wasting time, and go do something productive.” So I got my shit together, quit wasting time, and did something productive. I wonder if mom’s have these conversations if there is no dad in the picture? I don’t know, but I would assume most do. If they do, then why are these guys still hiding in the dream world of virtual reality? Another friend who works in the gaming industry said that more and more women are getting into gaming so they have something to do with their gamer men. Can you say co-dependent behaviour for women who won’t hold their men to higher standards? My friend who works in the gaming industry doesn’t completely understand it either, but admits that it is big business. With an economy where people are getting laid off, these gamers are the ones most likely to go, yet the least likely to do anything about it.

Truth be told, maybe it’s best that these guys sit in front of the game console and escape into their dream worlds. They attract one another and stay out of the way of people who are contributing in some meaningful way to business. But note to these man-boys. You may be a hero in your game, but when the power goes off, you go back to a sad ‘real’ life.

Ladies, if you have guys like this in your life, remember that 90% of success is related to the people you spend your time with. If you have a guy like this in your life he isn’t going to do anything to create a better opportunity for you. He will be too focused on ‘teaming’ up with other geeks to get to that next stage.  Join me in encouraging these man-boys to re-engage in real life and put away the games. Reminds me of a famous quotation:

When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child:but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

Are we propagating a slacker mindset in society with these virtual reality options? Is there ‘dream world’ really better than what they can experience in the real world? If so, it is sad for us, but even more sad from them. Ask the gamers in your life what, exactly, it is they are looking to escape. Maybe it’s a question they have been waiting to be asked? What’s sadder is the people in their life who simply accept that this is the way they are going to be and do nothing to correct the behaviour. They will argue that it’s different, but I see a grown man who plays x-box 4 hours a day no different than a middle aged man playing with Lego or GI Joe. You can say that they are young at heart, or you can simply admit that they will never grow up and become men.

C/