Latest way for women to give up their power: Telling people what their ‘man’ thinks.
Ladies, I need to tell you something. Everytime you tell people you work with what your husband/boyfriend thinks about a situation in your work life, you make him look like a douche and yourself like a weak woman who needs her man to explain things to her. This week, I have heard no less than 11 women talk about a situation in their business life and then justify their position by saying what their husband/boyfriend thought.
Example:
“I really felt that I was treated unfair in the deal. I didn’t get the percentage that I wanted and was hoping things would have turned out differently. Bob (husband) agreed and said that I should have stuck to my guns and asked for more or walked way.”
So on hearing this comment, my natural curiosity wonders what Bob does for a living. The woman sharing the story is an established entrepreneur so I’m assuming Bob is a business owner, business lawyer, accountant, business developer, sales rep, sales manager, or investment banker. Bob’s feedback must have value if it is confirming her position. So I ask…”What does Bob do?” “Oh…he’s a produce clerk at Save On Foods.”
Are you shitting me? You husband stocks onions and you are bringing him up as a reliable champion for your position? You husband is the manager of fruits and vegetables. What the hell does he know about putting a deal together. Never having the guts to run his business, he gets to be co-captain and give his two bits? I think not. When you bring up your husband/boyfriend in a business setting, please make sure that he has accomplished something other than lining up all the new potatoes in a neat line. Do you know how foolish it looks to bring him up in a ‘real-world’ setting? If the conversation was around how to keep herbs fresh in the kitchen, Bob’s your man. But when it comes to business, if your husband hasn’t achieved anything in your business sphere, don’t bring him up.
I know, you are proud of him. He’s a great guy. Funny. Likes to watch America’s Next Top Model with you. He is supportive, likes to give you feedback, and wants the best for you. But in business, he has no value at the discussion. If you are the business woman, be the business woman. Unless hubby/boyfriend is an ‘expert’ in the area of the conversation, don’t bring him up. It makes you look weak, and your peers will lose respect for you. It happens to me everyday. Someone I know will be having a problem they want to discuss. Then they tell me what their husband/boyfriend thinks they should do. At that moment, I lose a bit of respect. If he is a lawyer and its a law issue, let’s hear what he has to say. If it is a business development issue, and he works part time as a free lance writer, its best for you to keep his comments to himself.
In business, there are many arm chair quarterbacks. They will all have opinions for you and unfortunately, you have a hard time avoiding them. But let the madness stop there. When you regurgitate their idiot comments (ones which they have now foundation to comment on) you look like an idiot as well.
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You’re my hero!
ditto Stacey’s comment
Amusingly, my husband always follows my advice when a business or career issue causes him to venture out of his areas of strength and into mine. However, even if he uses my actual words, he never begins with “My wife thinks” or otherwise credits me with the idea. And that is fine – for the same reasons you outlined above.
He’s confident enough to understand that listening to his partner is the smart thing to do if it happens to be my area of expertise, but he’s cognizant of how it would look if he walked around telling everyone about it.
Chris Flett for President or whatever Canada has. I look forward to these posts and send them around to the women I work with. It’s refereshing to hear someone who has the guts to say it like it is.
When are you coming back to South Carolina Chris!
Thanks ladies.
Viviana, I think that’s a great comment. Spouses should see each other as a team and build on each other’s strengths.
Kathy, we have a Prime Minister in Canada. He doesn’t have a plane like Air Force One, but he does get almost-free heathcare!
Excellent point and one I lived just the other day. I was discussing a situation and a male acquaintance wwo was unfamiliar with the finr more initimate knowledge of hte situation decided he should be forthcoming with advice I didn’t ask for while at the same time attemptign to destroy my credibility. In true “Chris Flett” form, I told him that he was never to speak to me or about me in such a manner again and walked away. I lost the last remaining thread of respect for him. Point being, if you don’t know enough to speak to a situation, keep quiet. Thank yoiu for your points Chris. They are well recieved.