Christopher V. Flett

I’m frustrated. Since 2001, I’ve been preaching the leveling of the playing field in business. Let men and women compete head to head, regardless of gender. Let each professional bring their biggest game and let the results speak for themselves. Then an amazing thing happened. The recession. Men, considered leaders in business, shit the bed and destroyed the business models they were charged with managing. Women, like a phoenix out of the fire, came up and took the reigns for recovery. I say, hallelujah! Women are stepping into the big game and kicking this shit out of that glass ceiling! Sit in a job you hate, with people you don’t respect to make a shitty paycheck? We say….NO! Work with shit clients who are high maintenance and don’t respect your time? We say, “Piss off bad clients!”

Women were stepping into the light and asking for what they want. A better life, more time outside of work without financial repercussions, the belief and ability to have exactly what they want, thus modelling this behaviour for their sisters, daughters, and friends. It was working and I felt vindicated. Then this past week happened.

I got call after call, and meeting after meeting with women who have chosen fear over freedom. Who wanted to talk about why they couldn’t make things (work/change/better/more profitable/a better fit – choose your own reason) and how they wanted to pack in all their development and give up. It makes me sick. Not sick for me, sick for them. They can make this decision and I believe it will be one of the worst and most costly decisions of their entire professional careers. They are rolling over on their back and showing their belly to the world. They don’t have the confidence to make it happen so they shrink back into the masses.

I don’t get this whole confidence issue with women. You can do it, you know you can do it, so why over think the situation, not give yourself the benefit of the doubt, and throw in the towel? What does that tell you and the women in your life? That you quit. They you can’t get it done and everyone that supported you was wrong. Ladies, get your shit together. Here are the questions I want you to ask yourself before you sneak out the side door en route to success:

• Did you give it your all?
  
• Did you commit 100% of you attention to getting what you were aiming for, or did you let things get in the way?
• Do you find yourself making more and more excuses as to why you can’t get it done?
• Are you looking to blame someone else for the outcome?
• Have you mentioned the economy in any of your conversations for not hitting your goals?
• Are you settling for the life you have rather than the life you want? If so, what are you teaching your kids?

I’ve been beat in business. I’ve had my ass handed to me and laid on the floor bleeding and bloody, but I have never given up with a tail between my legs. I have never, ever quit until I have exhausted all possibilities. I then lick my wounds and start again. Winners do what losers won’t. That’s a fact. When you give up, you tell everyone (the women in your life in particular) that it is easier to quit than succeed.

To give a completly opposite example (a woman with confidence), I have a client that this week, decided to radically change her business model. She has been building a successful model for the past few years, and factors, outside her control, intervened and started to put her into a challenging situation. Rather than playing the blame game or any of the other ‘easy options’, she took matters in her own hands, orchestrated a major restructure of her company, and is moving forward with determination. She doesn’t know what the future holds, but she does know that she isn’t a quitter and if it can be done, she’ll be the one to do it. Is she scared? Probably? Is she uncertain? Yes. Is she confident that she can make things happen? Of course she is. She has the tools to make it happen and she is committed to a successful outcome. She worked as an employee before starting her company and she cannot and will not ever go back to having someone tell her what to do. I don’t remember ever being more proud of someone. She made a tough decision and will prosper because of it.

Be confident goddamn it! Have a little pity party for an hour or so and then move on towards the goal. Even Jerry Maquire (Tom Cruise) had a pity party when he got kicked in the professional nuts, but he moved on. Here’s his quote when he is getting shit on:

“I’m finished, I’m fucked. Twenty four hours ago, man, I was hot! Now… I’m a cautionary tale. You see this jacket I’m wearing, you like it? Because I don’t really need it. Because I’m cloaked in failure!“

Then he sucked it up, dusted himself off, and got back on the horse. That’s what I need you to do. Have your party, dust yourself off, and get back on the horse. Don’t stay with the shit because you don’t think you can get it done. You can, but you have to BELIEVE it! You, not your boyfriend, not your husband, not your neighbour, not your dad, not me. YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE THAT YOU CAN MAKE IT HAPPEN. IT LIES IN YOU! Four different women said to me this week, “I need you to talk me off the ledge.” I said to them, “no I don’t. You need to shut up, or jump. The only thing worse than a loser is a loser who drags it on.” Harsh? Yes. True? Yes. If these women decide to go back to playing small, it isn’t no me. It will just remind me that they aren’t my type of people anyway.

Remember, everyone can quit, but it takes a special person to face into the wind and sail through the storm of doubt. It is you, and only you, than can chart the right course.