Christopher V. Flett

I like to tell people that I’m a nice guy with a thin layer of asshole on top. The asshole comes from me speaking my mind to people when it isn’t polite, politically correct, or some other liberal bullshit that society thinks it can control the masses with. When I first started in business, I bit my tongue a lot. I didn’t want to rock the boat and so I sat back and watched shit go on day to day, buy the various business people and groups I engaged with. When I started to get my bearings and my confidence finally matured, I started a practice of speaking the truth to people. The truth is what everyone says they want, but they don’t really want it. They want you to sugar coat it for them so that they can feel good about themselves. When you are honest, you become a target and for me, a 6′6″, 290lb target.

As a writer, or rather an author of a book, I spoke the truth. I said exactly what men said in the boardroom when women left. There were women who loved the honestly and those that thought I was the anti-Christ who should burn in hell. Why the differences of opinion? They both read the same words, but read something very different. BusinessWeek thought it so out there that they branded me the ‘Shock Jock of Business Management”. Really? Shock Jock? Because I said that women give up their power and men gobble it up? That’s shocking? Guess what…there also isn’t any Santa Clause.

Before we get into my ’shock jock’ ways, some examples of the people who love me and those who want me on a spit:

GOOD:

“Love this book; it was an eye opener for me. As I read this book I keep on saying to my self “oh my god! I do this – I say this etc”. Every woman should read this even if she is not in business. This book will empower women who want to succeed in life or business. It will give you some good insight into what men think and how women unknowingly sabotage themselves. I am going to read it a few more times.”

BAD:

“It seems to me Mr. Flett has used his book to release his dislike and aggression towards women. In the world of business Mr. Flett continually sets women up for failure by tricking & deceiving them. In his eyes they will never win so he seeks them out to squish them and ruin their careers. Shame on Mr. Flett! I have worked with Venture Capitalists(Extreme Alpha Males) in Silicon Valley and I have witnessed shameful behavior by men that is really no different than the behavior Mr. Flett has described by women. This just confirms the double standard that men are allowed to misbehave and women are to be nice and pleasurable and if they deviate from this they are ridiculed and scrutinized. Sorry Mr. Flett, I was considering attending one of your seminars, but after reading your book I was so disgusted that I am going to DEEP SIX you and I hope many more women will DEEP SIX you too.”

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As you would guess, the one who isn’t my BFF is likely bitching to her female colleagues about how women don’t get promoted in the company. “It’s the old boys club. They always support each other.” Then when you tell her what is happening so that she can navigate around the bullshit and move to the top, you are Satan, reincarnate. I guess not knowing is better than knowing. Please fasten your seatbelts, the glass elevator has now become the glass ceiling.

And still, I keep on speaking my mind because I know what is true to me and what I’ve seen both in my personal and professional lives. As recent as last Saturday, I had a little altercation with a fundamentalist PETA supporter at my neighborhood farmer’s market. She was spewing bullshit about Foie Gras and when I called her on it, she started throwing barbs, ridiculous arguments and finally told me to fuck off (full story here). I respect her right to not eat Foie Gras but she has to take issue with my right to love it. Should I hide the fact that I love it, or instead point out the problems with her argument? Now about 20 people in my circle are having conversations about Foie Gras, treatment of animals, fundamentalist animal lobbies, etc. This is a good thing people. Honest dialogue is what we are starting to lose in our society. Debate will bring it back.

I have to believe that on some level with twitter, facebook, myspace, and all the other manipulations of human intimacy, we will at some point get back to being honest and direct with one another. Should you say things that hurt others…no. Should you be racists, racial, or use slang towards other groups….no. But you should be able to provide information in the form it was intended without fear that someone might take it wrong and be offended. I wrote “What Men Don’t Tell Women About Business” to finally shed light on the conversations that happen without women. That pissed two groups off: guys who didn’t want to lose the advantage and women who don’t want to believe that the boys aren’t playing nicely with them.

My friend and very talented writer, Susan Piver, asked me once how I handled the criticism from those that took offence. I told her I got more out of the hate mail than I did from the fans. She looked bewildered at the response. I want to get people thinking. To have the long-overdue conversations. My dad always said to me as a kid, “Don’t believe your own PR.” His way of saying that you can get full of yourself very quickly if you allow it. One of my favorite quotations is:

Never take compliments to your head and never take criticism to your heart

I even love the sway of the media on the book. Entrepreneur magazine suggest my book a ‘must read’ for women in business; the Boston Globe hack (and Beta Male) reviewer said I wrote the ‘worst business book ever.” Really? Ever? There hasn’t been one worse than mine? Maybe the “Mormon’s Guide to Marrying for Money“?

I digress. Something I have clients do when they are feeling like they need to break out is to start a journal entitled, “The things I know but do not say.” I did this with my coach almost a decade ago. I would squirrel away my deepest and darkest secrets about how I saw the world and my experiences. One day I wrote, “Women get fucked over in business every day and they don’t even know it. Guys have the advantage because they never tell women the truth.” I stared at those lines for two year and then in 2003, I went on tour to start telling women how men grabbed their power and how women could take it back. Some hated the message, but a lot of women loved te message. I may have had a lot of swears lobbed at me, but they all disappear when a woman walks up after an event and says…’thanks for being honest‘. I don’t speak the truth to please everyone. I speak the truth for her and that makes it all worth while.