Christopher V. Flett

A friend of mine told me that she is writing her friends resume tonight. I asked her why and she told me that her friend needed a job, didn’t want to update her resume, so my friend was going to do it for her. I stopped her. You can only help those who help themselves. If you want something for someone more than they want it for themselves, you will in turn resent them.

The first thing I learned when I started coaching was to stop being a ‘lifeguard‘ and instead be a ‘swimming instructor‘. I used to get frustrated when clients would come for help, I’d give them advice, and they wouldn’t follow it. I would take it personally. Then I realized that if someone wants to drown, you need to let them drown. I can’t save anyone that isn’t trying to save themselves. In your business, your job isn’t to save people, it’s to empower people to be their best IF they want to be the best. If they lack initiative, inspiration, interest, or the like, it isn’t up to you to impress that upon them. You are to live your large self and inspire those to do the same IF they are willing to take action.

I’m reminded of this with any new clients and partners. The first thing I find out is how bad they want it to work. If they are lackluster in interest, unable to keep their words or commitments, it’s telling for me. It tells me that they aren’t likely going to fit my style and so I stay back until they get their shit together. It isn’t about me making them wrong to be right. Instead, its about me being clear with how I can work with them, and not for them.

Look at those you support in your personal and professional lives and ask yourself if you are doing more for them then they are for themselves. If the answer is yes, you are in the wrong type of relationship.

Stay true to yourself and the rest works itself out.